Communication or Humiliation?

Six years ago I was offered a varsity job after just one year of experience.  I knew that if we were going to be successful, I would have to make up for that lack of experience by outworking other coaches and hiring an experienced assistant coach.  After interviewing several candidates I opted for a 25 year coaching veteran who people described in one word, "intense".  He was definitely a type "A" personality.  He barked orders from day one and was very confident in what he was doing.  I quickly learned that he was a disciplinarian and the boys seemed to listen.  When he yelled, in his booming voice, all eyes were on him.  He demanded their attention.  He was in their face and guys were playing hard.  If they made a mistake he was all over it and was quick to take them out of the game.  Some parents voiced their concerns to me but i respected his knowledge and I loved that kids were playing hard so I supported him.  He was even rubbing off on me and the way I interacted with the players changed.  We definitely had the attention of our boys!

One night I was out to dinner with a legendary high school coach in our area.  He was ten years retired, now a college assistant coach and attended our game that evening.  He said, "Mike you don't have to scream at players for them to listen to you.  If you are screaming during a game its because you did not do a good enough job preparing your players at practice."  This struck a nerve with me.  I have always been calm and focused on the bench.  I was implicitly being told, by someone that I respect greatly, that I was not doing a good job of keeping my composure during the game.   His message was loud and clear.

I started to watch my assistant coach and my boys more closely.  It became clear to me that they did not respect us but rather feared us.  Our intensity forced them to pay attention but it did not yield positive results.  The boy's were tentative and scared to death to make a mistake.  Every time they messed up in a game they would look to bench rather then continue on to the next play.  I was not getting the most out of my team.

In order for me to change their behavior I had to change mine.  It was time for me develop my own coaching philosophy.  It was out of character for me to be harsh and negative with the players.  If you are not yourself, kids will see right through it.  I am a motivator and a teacher, not a dictator or a tyrant.  I spent the remainder of that year and the summer showing my boys the leader I could be for them.  After finishing 4-17 that first year we won our next 40 of our next 50 games.  Those boys weren't scared of me but they would run through a wall for me!

Humiliating players by screaming does not have a place in coaching.   Not just because it's wrong, but also because it doesn't get the desired result from the players.  Players hang on to every word we say (or don't say).  We need to treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve.  One of my favorite quotes is from a German playwright named Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.  He said, "If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if i treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that."  This philosophy has guided me for the last six years and is the source behind any success that we have had.